hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
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Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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