I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
