I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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