Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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