So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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