we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
