Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
