I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize