at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
