the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
