We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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