I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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