The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
