Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
