We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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