Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
