i can't believe i had my finger in that
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
