i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
