I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
