Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
