mondays should just be called national damage control day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
