I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Randomize
