I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize