I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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