You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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