I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
