Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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