Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
