I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
