and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
