Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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