I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
