He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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