hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
