IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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