I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fill condoms, not promises.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
