wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.