Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
