the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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