At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
