Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
