don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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