the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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