I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
