i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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