I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
