but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
