3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
