Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
