What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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