Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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