I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
