I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
