Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.