threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.