It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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