Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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