I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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