There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
