I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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