...so i touched it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
