escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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