So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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