There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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