Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
