Dual....:-)
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
