just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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