I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
