theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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