Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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