I'm so fucking centered right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
