I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
