what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
