look no pants
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
