dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
