I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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