You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
