I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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