I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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