She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
