Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
